Last night, I watched a millionaire matchmaker marathon in awe of the various ways the men of the show wooed the women, with so called romantic gestures. These over-the-top displays, got me thinking.What is romantic in theory, in life would just be creepy, or perhaps even stalkeresque? Dramatic gestures seem all great in movies and on TV, in reality not so much. Whether, it's a male suitor or female, the romantic hero or heroine that we love on film, we'd probably run away from in life.
I 've put together a little list of romantic moments that would come off as either desperate, obsessive, crazy or just plain stupid if they were ever to occur in real life.
Starting with last night's matchmaker's most suave suitor.
1. After only going out once, your date takes you to his gallery, only to reveal that he has painted a life-size portrait in your likeness, and signed it the artiste.
2. Your boyfriend stands outside your window in a trench coat, refusing to leave, while blasting " In your eyes".
3. Your ex runs through on-coming traffic to stop your taxi-cab. right before you make it to the airport to leave to a foreign country forever, and you actually stop the taxi for the schmuck.
4. You stalk the name and address of a man whose voice you heard on the radio, proceed to follow him to his home, and spy on him and his child, then write a letter telling him to meet you at night on a tall building to recreate a scene you've watched obsessively in a movie over and over and over again.
5. You give up the magazine/journalism job right as your career is about to reach it's apex and move into the realm of a serious magazine/journalism job -henceforth justifying your degree from harvard, columbia, or princeton- because the damming article you are writing about your love interest may jeopardize your ability to have each others babies.
6. Your love interest gets up in front of the entire school in a rousing song and dance routine to gain your favor, embarrassing himself but forever ( or at least till high school is over) endearing himself in your eyes.
7. Your suitor gives you a rose by the glow of tiki-light eliminating another women, who you thought he was actually in love with the whole time, he asks you to marry him right there, in front of a national TV audience.
8. You are asked to be a pretend boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse for someone who grows to become your love interest only after they buy you clothes, pay you money, and introduce you to the the kooky family you never had.
9. After, you fall unconscious. A random stranger takes you to the hospital only to convince your family that she is in fact your fiance. Spends the holidays with said family, and watches you in the hospital lovingly as you sleep.
10. You discover your paramour has died. You drink poison so you can always be together, your paramour comes back to life, discovers you, and off themselves as well.
You need a prostitute to bring around to important business meetings because apparently you can't get a real woman, pay her to look nice, she embarrasses herself and still acts like trash most of the time, you treat her like prostitute, she falls in love and finally grows morals, leaves you, and you realize you are in love with said prostitute and ride up in your limo with a rose and beat your fear of heights to climb her fire escape outside her trash apartment with her whore roommate who still hasn't grown morals.
ReplyDeleteAh romance.
Once someone performs an elaborate romantic gesture for me I lose respect for them.
ReplyDeleteSo, to be fair, I committed a "grand romantic gesture". I flew across the country to see someone who apparently had no desire to see me. While, I now feel utterly stupid, lets look at this from the gesture-er's perspective. I mean hello, everybody loves that stupid fucking play Wicked. Have some compassion for the Wicked witch...we all know why she is wicked now. We had to jump off that cliff to get your attention. Maybe you are too fucking blind to see what was subtly happening in front of your face. If you noticed earlier, we wouldn't have had to go to such lengths. In the end, blame yourself.
ReplyDeleteHmm..I wrote a really silly song asking for forgiveness from a man I was briefly dating. I posted in on facebook. I was told by a friend it was really creepy. I was taken down in about a week. Apparently, it was. I never heard from him again.
ReplyDeleteActually Dramatic gestures are the worst, when someone gets a Dramatic gesture I get so angry, maybe that's perfect in movies but not in reality.
ReplyDelete