you don't want to watch sports with me

I know I should have school spirit. I know everybody else in the world does. And I feel like it makes me seem like a real girlie-girl that I can't get all up in a tizzy about sports. I'm really not that much of a girlie girl, I promise. I just never quite took to it all.

Today I'm going to watch the Cuse game with friends, all of whom will be oranged out. I will be wearing an orange necklace, does that count? As always, I have been lured to such events by the promise of cheap pitchers and boneless buffalo tenders.  Without such promises, I probably would miss this game like I have missed countless others. Sigh.

My roommate and I discussed my lack of enthusiasm for sporting activities this morning. She blamed it on my noncompetitive high school. I countered, but we had a winning chess team, it was not much of a counter-argument. I guess high school is when the "enthusiasm" gets ingrained in you, or supposedly your parents contribute. I guess neither applies. My dad was always too busy lecturing me on communism to put on the game. So none of  it every clicked with me.

 I don't get it. I can't watch people running around not saying anything. I need a story. 

Perhaps, if I knew player one was the long lost brother of player 2, and if they just get the ball in the magical hoop, they will be able bring back their also long lost puppy from the dead, and said puppy runs on the stage and pees on members of the other team, I'd get it.

So my routine for sporting events, when I choose to go, consists of  analyzing whether the players are secretly gay and making passes at each other, concocting retarded cheers that have nothing to do with the game, asking ridiculous questions, and generally attempting to get drunk enough, to pretend as if I know what's going on. Perhaps, this is why they try to fill me full of boneless buffalo tenders and shut me up.