Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Munchies Frank gets off easy

So I came upon this commercial on adage. Many critics have already claimed that this commercial exaggerates the harmful side-effects of cannabis. But, I for one, don't think it goes far enough. In fact, it seems to me, that Giggling Frank, Relax Frank, Munchies Frank, and Talkative Frank get off far too easy. But what bad things could possibly come of these seemingly harmless side-effects. What else could go wrong with our friend Frank?

Giggling Frank.

Giggling seems all good and fun, until one day Frank giggles too long and too hard, and finds himself inexplicably wetting his pants. This actions sets off  life-long bed wetting, dooming Frank to spends his nights, cold and alone, sleeping with only his stuffed animal, also named Frank.

Talkative Frank

Frank's new chatty nature leads him into conversations with rosy-cheeked strangers at local bars. One night he sparks up a conversation with a rowdy television pundit, nondiscouraged by the pundit's rants and raves, Frank talks on, winning the host's hard earned favor, and condemning himself to a future of loofah love.

Munchies and Relax Frank, a dastardly combination.

It starts off innocently enough, with trips to Taco Bell, but soon these far-flung treats seem to hard to come by, for our pal Frank. Frank's munchies have become more than a nightly affair. Frank is now all munchies, all the time. But, alas, Frank is now too relaxed to move and procure his own lard. Then, in a moment of cannabis induced inspiration, Frank develops a conveyor belt, directly linking his kitchen to his couch. Frank soon balloons to 700 pounds. After two gluttonous weeks, Frank decides to get up and relieve himself, but his fat ass has become cemented to the couch.

Happy Frank

Well this one's easy. No one likes happy people. Frank becomes a despondex addict, in an attempt to cure himself of his new peppy personality.