my major malfunction

I have just walked home with my tights between my boots. Don't get too excited. It was purely accidental. This was only one of my many wardrobe malfunctions. I have had three bras snap apart, necklaces fall off into pieces and roll on the floor, buttons explode, stockings rip,pants rip in unfortunate places. I have also spilled almost every type of substance on almost every fabric that it is not acceptable to spill substances on. And that is only half of it. Perhaps, I shouldn't own nice things. Or anythings actually.