Monday, August 24, 2009

Once upon a time they had talent portions...

... Now even the Miss Universe performers are a collection of empty vessels. First off, holy ill fitting pants Heidi Montag. I get it "she's a celebrity", too bad she's not a singer, a dancer, or a human being. The whole act was pretty awful, evoking an awkwardness only surpassed by a whole world's worth of foreign white women gyrating to all that "hip hop" music while still being pageanty.

Miss Universe

And then the moment we've all been waiting for, Miss Venezuela was crowned by Miss Venezuela, the former distinguished from the latter only by her red lipstick and a semblance of ill-fated hope for the years to come. According to the beauty queen, men and women are now equal. That's why men must also parade in front of national audiences as Billy Bush applauds their ability to walk while looking pretty and Donald Trump controls their moves from behind an iron curtain like a red-faced ventriloquist. Oh wait...

Indeed, a sad future lays ahead for those Toddlers in Tiaras.

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