Monday, May 17, 2010

Commie Childhood Tragedies

BABY'S TOUCH 'N FEEL GUIDE TO RUSSIAN LITERATURE.

BY SUMMER BLOCK

- - - -

The Brothers Karamazov

Feel the soft little bag where Dmitri hides his shameful money. He wears the bag around his neck. It is full of rubles. Why doesn't Dmitri save himself?

- -

Notes from the Underground

See the yellow stain on the Underground Man's pants. His clothes are shabby and old. What compels him to debase himself?

- -

Crime and Punishment

Run your hand over Raskolnikov's scratchy face. He is feverish and pale. Raskolnikov is a murderer. Can the ends ever justify the means?

- -

Anna Karenina

Grisha and Tanya turn boxes into a toy train. This is called foreshadowing.

- -

War and Peace

Admire Natasha's elegant opera gown. Natasha is very beautiful. At the opera she meets Anatole. Anatole is handsome and charming. But he is already married!

- -

Master and Margarita

Pet Behemoth's soft black fur. Behemoth is a giant cat who walks, talks, and discharges firearms. His owner is Satan.

- -

The Foundation Pit

Meet Misha the diligent bear. Misha works as a blacksmith. Misha denounces his master. Why doesn't anyone seem to notice that Misha is a bear?

- -

Eugene Onegin

Look out! This is the bullet that Onegin uses to kill Lensky. What was the use of such a tragic gesture? All of this is idleness.

- -

The Overcoat

Stroke the soft cat fur lining of Akaky Akakievich's collar. Two bad thieves steal Akaky's new coat. No one is kind to him. Later he will return as a ghost.

- -

The Cherry Orchard

Scratch the cherries to smell the sweet scent of the blooming orchard. Lopakhin's workers are chopping down all the beautiful trees. Whose fault is that, the aristocrats or the bourgeoisie?

- -

One Day in the Life
of Ivan Denisovich

Ivan needs mortar to build a power station. But this mortar is all frozen! Ivan's suffering is boundless.

- -

Death of Ivan Ilych

Touch Ivan Ilych's beautiful new curtains. The curtains are expensive, rich and lovely. But they are not worth dying for.



I love this in so many ways. VIA mcsweeneys

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