Running on empty...

Toys for Fist-Pumping Tots

Got to admit kind of like the boob with fake boobs

VH1 - “If You Like� / Boobs with fake boobs - (2010)

The Hills only better.

Deep thoughts on the Jersey Shore

Enjoying Jersey Shore "hinges not on our ability to identify with them but on our ability to distinguish ourselves from them... as though we were anthropologists secretly observing a new tribe through a break in the trees." [The New Yorker]

I love how all these highbrow magazines and newspapers now feel a need to explain the general public's fascination with the off-orange antics of the Jersey Shore. While I'm no Jersey Shore guidette myself, I do feel it's a bit offensive to treat these people as if they are some sort of primitive wild things caged in a shore house for our ongoing pontification.

These are people I say. People capable of feelings and perhaps even thoughts. Snookie's and Paulie's hair alone has taken years of training, practice and dare I say it artistic skill.

Sweetness. Jersey Shore Evolution.

Alyssa Milano's Evolution: Jersey Shore from Alyssa Milano

Another delightfully mad performance from Lady Gaga

More Dirty Jerz on MTV

The ill-fated progeny of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Tyra teaches Larry to Smize

my hate/love for reality TV in poem form

This poem may just have about every reality TV reference I could think of. At least all the ones that fit into one piece of spoken word. So whether you're a VH1 watching I love money, new york, daisy of love, flavor of love, Brett Michael's addict or a Bravo loving project runway/real housewives sophisticate, or perhaps even a WE TV loving bridezilla or a dancing with the stars hopeful, it's all there. In fact, this poem is pretty jam-packed with all the trash TV that has permeated my brain and left me permanently scarred in the process.

as for the plastic people

I watched addicted to beauty last night with a mixture of shock and awe. It boggles my mind that a client could come to this spa and think to themselves " My, I'd like to look more like the staff."

The worst plastic surgery victim on the show the spa's owner (who has rendered herself incapable of smiling via botox) keeps gabbing on and on about other people's appearances and upkeep and looking so fresh and oh so young. Yet she is completely oblivious to the freak show she's turned herself into. I for one rather look wrinkled then look like I have two tennis balls stuffed in my cheeks. But I may just be behind the times on this one.

The worst part of it, of this alien meets kitty meets porn star look the crew has working, is that it's replicating itself time and time again. As exhibited below...



This all makes me think someone, somewhere has decided it's actually desirable to look unhuman. Which makes me both sad and scared. But mostly scared.

Once upon a time they had talent portions...

... Now even the Miss Universe performers are a collection of empty vessels. First off, holy ill fitting pants Heidi Montag. I get it "she's a celebrity", too bad she's not a singer, a dancer, or a human being. The whole act was pretty awful, evoking an awkwardness only surpassed by a whole world's worth of foreign white women gyrating to all that "hip hop" music while still being pageanty.



And then the moment we've all been waiting for, Miss Venezuela was crowned by Miss Venezuela, the former distinguished from the latter only by her red lipstick and a semblance of ill-fated hope for the years to come. According to the beauty queen, men and women are now equal. That's why men must also parade in front of national audiences as Billy Bush applauds their ability to walk while looking pretty and Donald Trump controls their moves from behind an iron curtain like a red-faced ventriloquist. Oh wait...

Indeed, a sad future lays ahead for those Toddlers in Tiaras.

Megan wants a murderer?

A recent contestant on VH1 reality show Megan Wants a Millionaire, Canadian real estate developer Ryan Jenkins, is currently being questioned for possibly murdering his wife, who he married soon after filming (perhaps to gain American citizenship). He may be attempting to flee to Canada as we speak.

According to TMZ, Ryan Jenkins may also be the winner of the upcoming season of I love Money 3. This is all pretty insane. Didn't they used to do psychological screenings for these shows? VH1 has now postponed all future airings of the show. Reality can be quite scary.

VIA Jezebel

augmented reality show ho

Actually this is a promotion for Society AR girls, but I think it could work oh so well for Rock of Love, don't you?

the male oaf is a woman...

The Hills: a retrospective

Vancouver artists Karin Bubas solo exhibition "With friends like these..." is a pastel take on the Hills most vacuous residents.

Daisy chooses London.

Last night, Daisy de La Hoya, my favorite piece of reality rocker groupie royalty chose London as her rock star. Birds sang, the gods swooned and London's "friend" Natasha, the Paris's BFF reject, cracked a smile.

Unfortunately, the internet is already abuzz. Daisy may not have found love after all. Natasha's MySpace has revealed images of London getting cozy with another plastic blonde. I had hoped this would at least be a case of extended lust, but alas reality must go on.

By the way, the dramatic ending to 12 pack spells spinoff.

Jon & Kate the explainer

Created by artist Ryan Casey. Found on prostituted thoughts.

lauren conrad's book is a bestseller...

... and my heart is saddened.



While LC drinks a celebratory cosmo at Le Deux, somewhere in a far off New England woodland town a homely MFA student has stuck her head in the oven and given up on the world.

reality tv is not a friendly place